Finally some intimacy....

Met someone called Mak at the gym yesterday. I finally had someone to snuggle up to through the night, although it wasn't as earthshaking an experience as I had hoped.


Well,better than one more lonely night, though I was drenched with sweat in the darkness.

Waiting for the sky to fall...

...coz it has rained till the clouds are no more.

Hopefully the sun will shine through soon...

The Tyranny of Beauty

How many people would not give all that they possess and mortgage anything else to become more beautiful?

I doubt that there are many(if any) at all...

Beautiful people are worshipped on a consistent scale.

The reason?

Because the devil, and the evil of beauty attracts inexplicably.

Of meaningless jibes and desperate tides...

I love harmless insults or unflattering remarks directed against someone who can take it well.

Mainly because I haven't enjoyed the privilege of being hit across the back for dishing out this kinda things since over 1 and a half years ago.

yeah...if you've been following my posts religiously since their inception(which I don't really expect statistically speaking), you'd probably realise it is Ray I'm referring to, that hearbreaking, but ultimately insignificant Ray.


It's more than the experience of one fling that I've lost. It's nineteen months of fruitless romance-less plodding trough the grist mill of Life.

It's significant lengths of time being clueless and jaded and wondering why there's an invisible impenetrable shell between you and the world-at-large.

Good times!(LOL)

My second most profitable day on the stockmarket occurred yesterday, with Chartered Semiconductor covered call-warrants netting me a 50% gross gain or $1164 nett.

But it’s also achieved on the back of UOB Kay Hian earning only 7.5% of this nett profit as commissions, the lowest such number this year.

The most profitable day of course was ,ironically,also the day of my grandmother’s wake.

But as I had earlier mentioned, these modest sums are merely compensation for a largely disastrous year on the S’pore bourse, and ironically also, it’s the covered warrants that provide these sums, as well as inflicted the losses. Ergo, they are highly risky instruments of almost pure speculation.

Thinking of how to celebrate his achievement over such a brief period of time. Perhaps I will splurge on a hundred plus dollar meal(a huge luxury for one such as myself) or buy a nice pair of jeans.

And on my mind is also how to not allow myself to be emboldened by this brief success to cause greater and greater stakes to be waged out of self-confidence more than hard research.

Oh, yes, a large, white painful blister also sprang literally overnight from the sole of my left foot, causing me to limp or compensate by walking on the inside edge of my left foot.

The doctor who saw me(my one-time godmother) gave me today off and so I am writing this in Long John Silver’s over a leisurely breakfast and a cuppa.

I remember...part One.

Transient episodes of my life,

A flicker on the movie screen of my existence,

Moments of darkness

Moments of light

Episodes of my life!

I remember...

Dying in the dark as hands press down to suffocate me...

Who knew that a pillow could be deadly?

I remember...

My sixth birthday cake,

The oh-so-sweet icing,

That my mother couldn't bake

The colours tantalising.

I remember...

A scissor-pierced hole in my palm

Painfully red and overflowing,

My stepgranny holding it tenderly and calm

Admonishing her daughter who had done the deed

Bandaging and keeping me from harm

I remember...

A tie for first place,

At the end of Primary Two,

599 out of 600,

In the darkened hall, my parents witnessing,

Guilty suppressed pride awaited my prizegiving.


I remember...

A wizened old man,

Darting into the driver's seat,

Jerking a lever violently,

Fear and danger flashed transiently,

But he merely pulled the brake to prevent the car descending,

Into a drain suddenly,

My mother was buying vegetables calmly.

I remember...

The deep end of a pool,

That threatened to engulf me,

As I clung to a superhero who could save me,

While he lied that I could do it like him, see?

The superhero gave up and failed me,

Paving the way for an old lady,

Who,with patience and kindness,

Finally taught me how to swim,

And the indomitable value of the spirit.


I remember...

Another public pool,

That in my ecstatic excitment,

I jumped in with my shoes on, like a fool,

Cousins,elders and workers laughing uncontrollably,

Silence was my only garment,

Embarrasment burned brightly, and without mercy.



I remember...

My brother and I squabbling,

Coming to blows unthinkingly,

He used his physical advantage to overpower me,

I rushed for the kitchen knife suddenly,

Pointing it at him to see,

Only a still potent conscience,

Prevented me from using it violently.


I remember...

My father's rare-as-a-pink diamond praise lucidly,

For coming in fifth in school,

His words still ring loudly,

The fuzzy goodness was cool.


I remember...

Submitting my test,

to receive a lower score,

The pride in my heart soaring,

That was when honesty was both the foundation and the door.


I remember...

Wobbling on two wheels,

Falling almost in slow motion,

A flash of red lights,

Clambering out of a crevasse with no notion,

Until a middle-aged man staggered,

And I stared down at a red river,which seemed an ocean,

And my upper lip had split to my nose,one tooth daggered.

As, through the rest of the year I staggered.

I remember...

Pushing and panting my unwieldly bag of overgrown bones,

To four laps of the school at 15 years of age,

Because I was told by authority, despite my heart's groans.

I was all alone, thinking my seniors had gone faster in the last stage,

The authority figure praised me at the finish, my seniors glares could be stones,

As they were berated for leaving out the last lap, willpower's gauge.

My brother disapproving glance said: 'Spoil sport.'


I remember...

A big muscled man,

Striking up a conversation with me,

Innocent, yet too friendly seemingly,

Treated me with more kindness than anyone previously,

Alas, the beginnings of affection was yet to be.


I remember...

A dash of red on my white innocence,

For an unproven accusation,

My quick reflex of emptying a dark soft drink in return,

Wetting a wolf in sheep's colours,

Two strokes of the cane came swiftly,

Painful solely for their pure injustice.

I recall years later, the arbitrator's apology:

"We should never have caned you."

Rang in vindication that came too slowly.

I remember...the Episodes of my Life.

Did they teach me any? My life unfolds inexorably...

A victorious rematch...

Had an exhausting series of badminton matches at Choa Chu Kang stadium today,
with a colleague, Mr Peter Ng, and an ex-colleague, Lawrence.

The first match was me vs Lawrence, a close-fought 21-19 in favour of the latter.In a way, this was a grudge match, because I had beaten him easily the first time round.

Peter stepped up to the plate,defeating Lawrence in a surprisingly close 21-16.

I rose to the challenge and lost by a similar scoreline 17-21.

However, I was soon give a rematch with Lawrence as neither of us was able to displace Peter.

I won 22-20, after being behind one to five points throughout most of the match.

Finally, I was encouraged to go for the rubber set, the score being one match a piece till that point.

By this point, I was totally drenched and bathing in perspiration.
That set turned out to be as much of a ding-dong competition as anticipated, with scorelines tied all the way from 1-1 to 16 all. Then I varied my service, with some deception from a low serve winning about 4 points that proved somewhat crucial.

In the end, the score was 21-18, and I was delighted that my mental mettle had prevailed.

The Uselessness of Singapore Women

Most S'porean women are tops at enjoying themselves, but good for little else...

Recouping losses...

Made about $1280 in contra gains over four trading sessions, the bulk of which come from covered warrants on SGX