Rebounding from abject misery and grapples with familiar failures

Inspiration from the sheer determination of a septogenarian who engineered a comeback from bankruptcy.

If a 72-year-old can do it, why not me? His feat of recouping his losses and rebounding to greatness exceeds my rebound from failure during the '97 financial crisis.

The only problem is, then I had a partner of sorts. Now, I stand alone, at the brink of destiny.

Additionally, I had only failed once at that point, at age 24. Now, this is my second failure, and I am almost a decade older.

I have to dig deep in my soul and psyche for the gumption to get up, to reform my life, to really stare reality in the nasal nozzles and figure out what the meaning is in my short stint here in the grist mill of reality.

A lot of explosions (and implosions)have happened in my life: the physical assault on me and the resulting trauma inflicted before I was even five, my unfortunate and potentially disfiguring bicycle accident at 10,my incomprehensible caning for something I was innocent of at age 15, my struggle with studiesmy only pillar of strength) in my third year at varsity at 22 years of age, the shattering of my finances at 24, and again at 27 and my being deemed a 'failure' at my current job by people who were ironically failures themselves and mercifully opted to leave the system.


A whole lot of strikes against one person, don't you think?


(And for the record, those who have cursed me silently and venomously and thus hold some measure of responsibility for my current state, I boomerang them back at you with three times the ferocity and efficacy :))

China seizes 8 golds @ the World Gymnastics Championships in Aarhus!

The man above is the epitomy of determination and the proverbial Phoenix rising from the ashes, crowning his comeback with a gold medal in the blue-ribbon Men's All-around title and adding a parallel bars title for good measure.

What did he come back from?

A second place finish All-around in 2003, at the final hurdle, by one of the narrowest margins. A fall off the high bar in 2004 at the Athens Olympics, no less, while leading by a secure margin going into the last two events, and being part of the heartbreak( I felt it deeply too!) of the Chinese men's team's drop to 5th while being the defending Olympic champs.

His story imbues me with hope for a comeback from the dismal downs of my life.


And that picture almost draws a tear from my eye.

Drifting towards a Fate unknown...

We don't have as many choices as we think we do. The tumbling ocean waves of Fate work invisibly over our heads and under our feet.


I'm beginning to think I am incapable of loving anyone because I have never really been filled with true love, unlike so many of the lucky kids/brats we see around nowadays.

It has always been my wish that I would be friendlier, more personable and possess a more genuine love of others than I really do.

I had hoped after the experience of the past month that encounters from S-parties would yield dependable friendships.

That hope is slowly and irrevocably being eroded.

Now one last thread defines my will to go on, to endure the meaninglessness of my three decades on the stage of Life.

My desire to run my own business or write a touching tale,with the common thread of seeking self-worth through these endeavours.

Yes, I still avoid human contact whenever I can,whenever I can escape unscathed.

Later, I'm going to join a Karaoke group at Chevrons in Jurong East. The problems are, firstly, I don't know anyone with the exception of Kent, who used to be the technical assistant at my workplace.Secondly, I am not a proponent of flaunting my voice in public.

With all these considerations in mind,I am timing my arrival to coincide with dinner, to avoid the need for chatter, especially with the (single,desperate and probably ugly) girls in that group.

Wisdom from the deaf and dumb

Met a guy called Freddie in Cali today, and although we had dinner separately afterwards, we met up at Han's in the Great Eastern building to have drinks and chat of a different nature.

You see, Freddie can neither speak nor hear, being profoundly deaf.


We shared and exchanged quirky encounters, travel stories and life experiences by writing on a medium-sized notebook that he carries around.

We had covered seven pages by the time we had finished our Avocado Smoothie and Ice Horlicks respectively.

And on the train heading west, Freddie shared his horrific slipping accident(where he broke his ulna bone and had to lay off religious gymming for six months) while I shared my equally horrific and considerably more traumatic upper lip-splitting bicycle accident with him.


Apparently, his fracture occured at the same time my relationship with Robin was breaking up, and his grandmother also passed away this year.

Also, we had periods of suicidal thoughts this year.

However, his smiling optimism gives me hope to carry on and stave off suicide.

Bowling for the last time@ Bukit Panjang bowl

The venue is closing this Sunday, so it is with a mixture of pride and sadness that I went bowling there last night.

My five game series was 93, 89(yucky games I know), 146, 125,151 for a total of 604(which beats my previous 592) and I threw in a 116 for good measure.

The 151 game included a TURKEY(XXX) while the 146 game had a double(XX) or two.

Also met some students there...

Boon Aun threw atrociously as his technique was all over the shop, only scoring over 100 once.

Bowling madness

Having taken up once-a-week bowling since August, I have gone to BP Bowl with my friend Boon Aun every Wednesday.

I have already learnt some rudimentaries of executing the curve ball, which involves a change in hand position from leading with the thumb on the forward swing through a subtle change to the handshake on the release.

However, my best scores this year were achieved with the technique I have grown up with , the straight-as-an-arrow ball.

This year's high: 178.

Yesterday, our five games together went 134-88 , 91-93, 120-115, 147-141 and 100-76.
My total of 592 is,however, a huge 209 pinfalls away from my October 2003 personal best of 801 pinfalls for five games.

The second last game was particularly exciting, as Boon Aun ran to a 40-pinfall lead as he began with a double strike(XX) and followed with spares in the 3rd, 4th and 5th frame, already reaching a 100 at that point.


However, as his consistency faltered from then on, mine picked up, as I striked the 5th and spared the 6th frame. The 9th frame was a spare, and a double strike in the final 3 frames( XX8) ensured that I caught up and finally overcame a seemingly insurmountable lead to win 147 pinfalls to 141, a narrow margin of victory of only six pinfalls.