My 2nd Quarter Resolution is...

...to write a book entitled 'Suicide Note' or 'Transparent Lies'.

The compulsion comes from waking up in my thirties from a pleasant, though patently false, dream that my own parents are such beacons and epitomes of virtue and goodness.

The truth? My life has been made to revolve around their own self-interest, to the virtually total exclusion of my own: their vacation in Australia during which they dumped me with the teenage girl who would ultimately inflict forgotten physical torture & still burning emotional and psychological scars; their blatant disregard of all my expressed hopes & nascent dreams: to be an astronomer at 14,a restauranteur at 22, and to be a full-time trader at 25.

The point of my intended story? To achieve closure with my dissatisfaction with the glaring injustices of being a middle child( closure I was never allowed to achieve as neither a totally-come-clean confession was voluntarily offered nor even the shadow of a hope of an apology).

Hopefully, it will achieve a wide circulation eventually, and ergo, instill awareness of the deleterious effects of ill-conceived & poorly-equipped parenthood.

I had a dream...

About three nights ago, I had a wonderful dream(not many of those among the unpleasant imaginings flitting in and out of my repose these days):

I had sold something(some sort of technology) on what I vaguely recall was eBay for a large sum, and I recall clearly the amount printed on some yellow paper as '969 ...' or something close to that 6- figure total, as the proceeds of the sale.
In the dream too, I had a strong sense that the amount printed was in greenback denomination.

I tasted the sweetness of success, except that this was perceptible only on the tongue of my soul, a soul that has craved recognition and the right to be treated as a normal, regular person for as long as I can remember.

However, unfortunately, somewhere between the time I beheld that glorious yellow paper and the time I was supposed to receive confirmation that I was finally a millionaire(at least in most major currencies of the globe), I awoke, not too pleased with the disappearance of my 'fortune' but somewhat inspired to do something to earn it without my dream!