The big C has struck close to home...

My aunt(who used to be my favourite relative until early last year) has just been diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer(with a 99% probability).

In the picture of the inside of her descending colon, a sickening whitish cauliflower-like growth appears,streaked with some blood due to her recent colonoscopy.

The moment I glanced from the doctor's grim demeanour down to the picture, my day was completely ruined.


A day that had seen a stock that I had bought more than I wanted to buy recently rise significantly.

A day when I felt as whole as I have felt in a while, even though it's one day after the major exam that slows down my business significantly.


A day after I read the last news article that I ever want to read of the recent gunning down of 12 in Cumbria, England, and thought that maybe I'd not want to think of death for awhile.

There's a bright side: the tumour is in the descending colon, and according to the doctor, it's a pretty straightforward operation to remove it.

There's another silver lining: the scan that revealed the bad news was not planned, but almost an accident, as my aunt decided to join her daughter who went for a blood scan recently.


My mum(her elder sister) broke down when she called her brother, who has fallen out with this aunt for several years now, to break the bad news.

I think I'll stop blogging now because I'm getting myself more down than I want to be at 11:40 pm .

The Tipping Point

Love can turn to hate.

So quickly it makes your head spin worse than the nippiest top.

I used to love my 'father'.

Or, more accurately, he used to force me to 'love' him.

And I did. Throughout all the neglect. The aloofness. The yearly trips to the casino where his children had to wait the interminable wait while he gambled thousands away. Thousands which could have easily paid for a more enjoyable and conventional holiday,which he had no interest in, but which I used to yearn for. In vain.

I 'loved' him because I didn't know better.

And I was in the Matrix of inculcated ignorance,perpetrated by the same man who never wanted to give anything beyond basic material needs to his children.

The same man who expected his children to bring him honour, in ignorance of Bertrand Russell's wisdom.


Granted we were in a face-conscious semi-Confucian society, where parents regularly whipped out their childrens' achievements like lances to jab and parry with their neighbours in social conversations.

When I was fifteen, a visiting aunt from Australia gave me a customary hug, and I felt awkward. Many years later, I realised that it was because neither of my parents had ever hugged me before(or at least, not that I could remember).

People do go crazy over money...and sometimes not over a particularly gargantuan amount of it.

I wonder if my 'father' knows that the Cumbria shootings were precipitated by disillusionment over a will.

Over a not-too-significant amount of £25 000.

It is my firm belief that everyone(and I mean EVERYONE) has a tipping point. And the confluence of all Derrick Bird's problems seemed to push him beyond that tipping point when he snapped and just turned 13 people in steak tartar that day.


Any anger I may feel periodically these days is reserved for that person whom I suspect may have disowned me out of spite.

I just hope and pray that I won't be found in a position where my own tipping point is approached or even exceeded.

Met up with my ex-colleague, and the travel bug bit a little bit harder!

She looks pretty much the same, shape- and demeanour-wise, and we had a most wonderful conversation for about two hours, from a quarter after three when I met her in the lobby of her hotel.

Her two eldest sons are all grown up, with the second turning out to be a promising lawyer about to embark on a potentially stellar career,while her youngest son is taking his GCEs this year.

(Funny how it's only when I'm keying this blog in that it strikes me that her family is just like mine: 3 sons,or, at least 2 1/2)

She also shared with me about how her husband's investment portfolio had declined by S$300 000 at the worst stage of the 2008-2009 crisis, but that paper loss has since halved,according to her!

Again, I gave in to the temptation to lapse into my childhood baggage(fortunately, only briefly!) when asked how I was doing...

I have to remind myself to stop seizing every opportunity to do that.


She also described how she had changed congregations from her longtime church, and how she has travelled a little since we last met, describing a tour of Eastern Europe that encapsulated the beauty of Praha and Warsaw.

According to her, Auschwitz was not the most informative source for details of Nazi anti-Semitic atrocities during WWII, with a small museum in Warsaw being a better candidate!

(This is the stage where the travel bug bit me a little!)

Her son came through the lobby doors,fresh off a Firefly flight, and I shook hands with quite an attractive young man(yes, I should stop thinking further about that!)

Apparently, her mother's family has annual gathering 'rituals' of sorts and one was taking place later that evening, followed by a tour of the town the next day.

After bidding farewell to the duo, I walked out of the hotel,a little lightheaded from the (rare) enjoyable company. I decided against taking a taxi back home, and headed out to the main road.

Remembering that there was a shopping complex not too far away, I crossed four roads branching out from a roundabout, and made my way there.

After walking around aimlessly and ordering a plate of just passable chicken rice(20c 'tax' on a $4.30 bill!), boredom compelled me to walk out to find a taxi to return home.

The first driver I asked quoted $8, but I feigned disinterest. When he suggested $7 instead, I agreed and had an uneventful journey home.

After I had alighted, I recalled the dastardly shootings of thirteen victims by a taxi driver in Cumbria just four days previous, and shivered a little.

[Incidentally, this was my first taxi trip in at least three years, not counting the one in S'pore on December 21st 2009]