18th April 2005

Don't feel much like blogging today, even though I'm in a far more relaxed mood than yesterday.

One thing I'm really wondering about today is whether all that is happening to me is mostly my own fault. Outwardly, I don't look approachable because I am painfully shy and avoid the limelight whenever possible. Unfortunately, this has, over the years, turned into arrogance and bitchiness because if I weren't akin to a durian fruit, my delicate and sensitive insides would be ravaged by others.

And I can't allow that to happen to me.God (if there is one, and I strongly believe there isn't one) knows I have been ravaged enough by unfavourable situations, parental neglect, bad luck and insensitive people.

Other people are never motivated by concern for others:they are more strongly influenced and motivated by desire.If this weren't true, families wouldn't be breaking under the strain and stress of modern living.

That's partially why children exist: to renew the cycle of life, as well as to act as the glue to hold the family unit together.

Life ensures survival, but not of those beyond reproductive age. Man however, has twisted and distorted this picture so much by their putting King Moolah on the pedestal, that those with power and money ensure their own survival by preserving their own gene pool, at the expense of the genes of impoverished peoples.


However, I believe wholeheartedly in the saying ' Every dog has its day' and the years are on my side if I am destined to live a full lifespan.

One day, I'll deliver the goods. To myself.