11th June 2005

Today, I realised that Cepco was the fifteenth counter that I had speculated on in the past three weeks in which I made money.

( Yesterday, I made RM318, one hundred less than on the day before).

Before this round, I had never speculated on any of these fifteen stocks. So there's always an opportunity to profit from the misfortune of others(especially those who hold shares on margin- they deserve to die!)

And my total haul in the past 3 weeks? Slightly over RM2 174( or about S$962).

Evening update: I went to the Raffles Place branch of California Fitness today and before I entered the premises, felt a hunch that I would meet someone familiar there.

Lo and behold, in the free weights section was an attractive guy with a Fridae profile whom I asked if I could date more than three weeks back. There was no reply so I guess he wasn't interested. I really wanted to go up to him and introduce myself but then I struck the snag of not knowing HOW to do it without hurting myself, in case he decided to give me a cold shoulder.

Then I started to second guess by thinking that he would probably think me desperate instead of merely being attracted to him, and so abandoned the idea altogether. We passed once as he was leaving the second floor but I put on a mask of incognizance(as usual- and I'm rather good at this too!).

I guess I'm so darn sick and tired of dead-end dates, and meetings with attractive would-be dates who turn out to be rather superficial and leave you guessing. I'm tired of trying to be a nice guy only to be taken advantage of or be met with more fakeness and insincerity. And I'm definitely tired of being left in the cold for whatever whimsical reason.

I deserve better than this, I truly do!

A guy who is intellectual, charming(when he wants to be), attractive(don't I know it, rude staring think-too-highly of yourself females!), willing, perhaps too much, to give another the benefit of the doubt just to avoid another falling out and witty.


I'm all of the above, so I deserve the very best type of partner.

And I'm willing to wait many, many days, weeks and months for him to take a look at me, and myself to take a look at him, and feel that indescribable, mutual feeling that tells us that we are fated to meet(and have wild nights together LOL!).

Yes, I have compromised myself this time by giving in to my fear(and perhaps my cowardice). And it is true that I have allowed my spontaneity to be imprisoned behind the bars of caution and circumspection.

But God must forgive me for taking steps to avoid emotional hurt when it there is a high likelihood of it happening to me. (Anyway, God would probably not approve of it in the first place, and probably smugly happy that I caved in to fear!Not that God really gives a damn about me anyway).

Anyway, if the person happens to be reading this, and knows that I am describing him, please consider that you, too, would want to be given a chance with someone you are attracted to, and although I may be eight years older than you, don't write me off on that basis alone, on preconceived notions about how I will behave: for I am a very unusual and unique 30-year-old, and I will surprise you(hopefully in a pleasant way!).