Plodding on...

16th August 2005

Giving thanks for just being alive and well doesn't come naturally to me. And today was just one such day, when I woke up feeling rather listless and having to force confidence out from within harder than ever in the past week.

Life is hardly easy, especially from the psychological point of view. Just when you think that you are winning the psychological battle against yourself, your mind starts playing games and you find yourself morphing into someone who has really ugly thoughts.

Love deprivation is a little like sleep deprivation I suppose: one feels a little punch drunk and is unable to think rationally at times. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to find anyone special. Far from it. I'm trying desperately to be happy and knowing that 100% self-assurance and self-confidence is the way to go.

I must love myself even if the whole world casts me aside in its hatefullness and shallowness.

Just knowing that I have so much to give thanks for doesn't suffice to keep me contented on some days. But I'm also learning to get by regardless of my mental and psychological state.

I know deep down under that I have the heart and spirit of a champion, surviving little and large ordeals that would have compelled the normal human being to commit suicide years ago.

Which probably explains why I'm so drawn to sports, and why I never relent on pushing myself hard on the treadmill.Because I know succes takes just that much effort and determination.

Love confuses me, so I chuck it for now. Life puts obstacles in my way but I trample on them in order to leap higher still!

I need luck, of course, but my life will turn out more successful than I believe it could be.