Consolidation and recovery from the passage of a soul.
I have returned from the wake and subsequent cremation of the oldest surviving member of my family. Funny how decades seem to separate the deaths of three of my grandparents: my paternal granny passed on in 1996, my maternal grandpa in 1986.
This was the first time I had witnessed a cremation: it was distressing enough to cause almost all my mother's brothers and sisters and in-laws to break down.
On the other hand, I only had a little redness in the eyes, maybe more due to fatigue from having stayed up all night during the wake( with the exception of about an hour of shut-eye). I had no urge to break down, even though I did still feel a tremendous sense of loss.
Doing my part, I put my arm around my favourite auntie and said:"She's gone to heaven. Don't worry".
Sounds a bit trite? I couldn't think of anything else to say!
Can't make up my mind if the deceased was more the glue holding our family together or rather the anvil that starting the estrangements.
There's so much one should learn from the passing of a family member. I guess I just haven't learnt the lessons yet: how life is eminently precious,how people can change imperceptiply from year to year, but dramatically over a decade or two, how the world only forgives on its own terms.
If I had someone who cared about me again( as I had until the tail end of 2004),I would never give him up. I would not pass a single week without at least mentioning once that I love him. I would stroke his hair gently and hug him closely every time we had the opportunity to meet up.
Who is he? I haven't the slightest idea, but this is my sacred, solemn promise.
This was the first time I had witnessed a cremation: it was distressing enough to cause almost all my mother's brothers and sisters and in-laws to break down.
On the other hand, I only had a little redness in the eyes, maybe more due to fatigue from having stayed up all night during the wake( with the exception of about an hour of shut-eye). I had no urge to break down, even though I did still feel a tremendous sense of loss.
Doing my part, I put my arm around my favourite auntie and said:"She's gone to heaven. Don't worry".
Sounds a bit trite? I couldn't think of anything else to say!
Can't make up my mind if the deceased was more the glue holding our family together or rather the anvil that starting the estrangements.
There's so much one should learn from the passing of a family member. I guess I just haven't learnt the lessons yet: how life is eminently precious,how people can change imperceptiply from year to year, but dramatically over a decade or two, how the world only forgives on its own terms.
If I had someone who cared about me again( as I had until the tail end of 2004),I would never give him up. I would not pass a single week without at least mentioning once that I love him. I would stroke his hair gently and hug him closely every time we had the opportunity to meet up.
Who is he? I haven't the slightest idea, but this is my sacred, solemn promise.
posted by DP at
3:58 AM
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