Halloween Hopes...

Today, I forced myself to reflect on the substance and direction of my life,and found myself wanting on both...

Of course, I should take pride in the fact that I have logged over 600 hours of home-tutoring this year,and have accumulated enough savings(also thanks to prudent financial trading and investments) to go for a very nice holiday in any destination of my choice.

However, pathos intruded into my consciousness when I pondered how I have been alone, companionless, for the past 18 months.

I wish a smile came more easily to my face, where a foreboding brooding look seems more at home.

I wish I didn't have a hellish abused early childhood to contend with, unlike a lot of other 'normal' people.

I wish I was more motivated to,and interested in making and keeping friends than I am now.

I wish I had parents who treated me with more unconditional love,rather than expecting only obedience and respect, which I have exhaused my supply of by this year.

But empty wishing will get me nowhere, of course.

My firm belief is that I have little trouble getting people to like me, but find myself bending over backwards to retain the people who actually treat me as a friend.