22nd April 2005

Here I am, sitting in my office cubicle, pondering the ironies of life.

How some people can remain in the wilderness for such an impossibly long time.

How much the survivors of emotional adversity must have had to steel their emotions, souls and minds against the angst of being alone and uncared for.

How much inner strength they have had to muster to smile beatifically at the world.

How people who shortchange, swindle and sweet-talk their way to shinier titles and fatter salaries thrive materially at the expense of those who have had to battle constantly against their evil tendencies.

How some do what they wish to, instead of what they should, despite all the highfaluting education and university degrees and doctorates they possess.

And how the adjective 'financial' or 'affluent' is usually the only significant yardstick of success.

A tune constantly plays in my mind as I ponder these irreconcilable facts.

A tune that starts in a hope-inspiring melody, climbs a little to lift the listener's spirit, weaves in the minor key to incontrovertibly suggest hardship or tragedy, and then straightens out to seemingly hold hidden promise for the future.

That is how I wish my life would turn out. I'm no longer naive enough to believe that my life will glide from one happiness to another, as I did in my not-so-long-ago youth, but I would also fight tooth and nail to ensure it won't lurch from pathos to pathos.

I'm struggling in this now, with some aspects of my life churning out of my control, but I believe against all appearances that my beatific smile will eventually be from the bottom of my heart.