I have GOT to write something...or at least initiate a project soon...
Eight months of home-tutoring, over 600 accumulated hours,during which I had to go to the pupils' home only twice, has been enough to sustain my self-confidence thus far, but I feel that that self-esteem that I've fought so hard and struggled for such a lengthy period of time to achieve(let alone maintain), slowly slipping, as a growing sense of the meaninglessness of my life, lived as it has been, just surviving and satisfying my most rudimentary needs from day to day,starts to encroach on my perspective of Life.
The urge to start writing a book is growing stronger, but irritatingly, it's not strong enough to impel me to pen down more than two hundred words a day.
I tried baking, and then singing, with tutoring and playing online games becoming prominent filler activities, along with trading the stockmarket.
As I see it, while my contemporaries raise their children and run the marathon race called 'marriage' while going back and forth from and to a place where they do something called 'work'(which may or may not wear them down-usually it does) just to earn enough money to live as well as they can possibly aspire to, I have none of these things as the urge to do the first two has never seized me, nor even appealed to me, since the age that people are supposed to develop such urges, and even way before that. And after losing my job for over a year, & then replacing it with something that is far more volatile, but removes overbearing authority, I feel, not so much 'empty' of all those things, as aimless.
I have no car(depending on my mother for all my transportation needs) nor a roof over my head which I can call my own, but strangely, I've never felt the need to own either!
Am I unusual? Most definitely.
Am I abnormal? Could be that.
Am I crazy(as my 'father' called me recently in a heated fit of an argument)? I doubt it.
Am I solely responsible for the way I am? My doubts are even greater as to this.
The urge to start writing a book is growing stronger, but irritatingly, it's not strong enough to impel me to pen down more than two hundred words a day.
I tried baking, and then singing, with tutoring and playing online games becoming prominent filler activities, along with trading the stockmarket.
As I see it, while my contemporaries raise their children and run the marathon race called 'marriage' while going back and forth from and to a place where they do something called 'work'(which may or may not wear them down-usually it does) just to earn enough money to live as well as they can possibly aspire to, I have none of these things as the urge to do the first two has never seized me, nor even appealed to me, since the age that people are supposed to develop such urges, and even way before that. And after losing my job for over a year, & then replacing it with something that is far more volatile, but removes overbearing authority, I feel, not so much 'empty' of all those things, as aimless.
I have no car(depending on my mother for all my transportation needs) nor a roof over my head which I can call my own, but strangely, I've never felt the need to own either!
Am I unusual? Most definitely.
Am I abnormal? Could be that.
Am I crazy(as my 'father' called me recently in a heated fit of an argument)? I doubt it.
Am I solely responsible for the way I am? My doubts are even greater as to this.
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