19th March 2005
Yesterday evening, while I was crossing the Causeway in the dark on a yellow bus, a sudden transformation came over me: I was flawlessly content and happy within without even trying to psyche myself into doing so: I had suddenly stopped feeling anger towards the world at large and felt totally and undeniably confident in my place in the world, whatever it might be.
Was it the effect of the unagi dish I had eaten just moments ago at Seasons Cafe? Some serotonin-releasing chemical in the food I had consumed? Who knows, and who cares? I didn't have to do drugs to feel perfectly, unadulterably happy for the first time in a long while, not the usual droning irritation I constantly felt before. I didn't care whether I had a place to stay in before the end of the month, whether I had a life companion ever again; I was merelyhappily thankful, grateful for being alive despite all the near-death experiences I had gone through since I was newly-born(yes, my first near-death experience came very close to my birth).
Of course, all good things come to an end. This started when my laptop screen started up red, the colour of the alarm which I felt. It didn't crash as I feared but soon the screen started to flicker in many places. Then I remembered my cousin's advice to tap the back of the screen and proceeded to apply two sharp finger-raps to the back of my baby's screen and it immediately, and mercifully returned to normal. The 'high' feeling also faded in the morning but I was considerably more controlled as the day unfolded. The screen started to flicker off and on, necessitating at least 15 raps on the back of the screen.
One thing has remained constant throughout though: I felt perfectly alright being alone.
I will hit the gym later, and for once, won't be looking forward to more than purely keeping fit and improving body tone.
Update- It is evening now, and the elation that I felt a day ago has totally vanished. Tonight is the last night in which I can sleep in peacefully knowing that I needn't work tomorrow. Looks like I'll have to pay tomorrow with a gym session that I awoke from my nap and neglected to go for. But not before a hearty Long John Silver's breakfast!
Just had a wonderful meal at Delifrance, and did light grocery shopping at the supermarket. My account still has in excess of S$22,000 thanks to recently credited sales proceeds, despite my withdrawing three thousand on Friday to change to ringgit to pay for AKN shares.
Was it the effect of the unagi dish I had eaten just moments ago at Seasons Cafe? Some serotonin-releasing chemical in the food I had consumed? Who knows, and who cares? I didn't have to do drugs to feel perfectly, unadulterably happy for the first time in a long while, not the usual droning irritation I constantly felt before. I didn't care whether I had a place to stay in before the end of the month, whether I had a life companion ever again; I was merelyhappily thankful, grateful for being alive despite all the near-death experiences I had gone through since I was newly-born(yes, my first near-death experience came very close to my birth).
Of course, all good things come to an end. This started when my laptop screen started up red, the colour of the alarm which I felt. It didn't crash as I feared but soon the screen started to flicker in many places. Then I remembered my cousin's advice to tap the back of the screen and proceeded to apply two sharp finger-raps to the back of my baby's screen and it immediately, and mercifully returned to normal. The 'high' feeling also faded in the morning but I was considerably more controlled as the day unfolded. The screen started to flicker off and on, necessitating at least 15 raps on the back of the screen.
One thing has remained constant throughout though: I felt perfectly alright being alone.
I will hit the gym later, and for once, won't be looking forward to more than purely keeping fit and improving body tone.
Update- It is evening now, and the elation that I felt a day ago has totally vanished. Tonight is the last night in which I can sleep in peacefully knowing that I needn't work tomorrow. Looks like I'll have to pay tomorrow with a gym session that I awoke from my nap and neglected to go for. But not before a hearty Long John Silver's breakfast!
Just had a wonderful meal at Delifrance, and did light grocery shopping at the supermarket. My account still has in excess of S$22,000 thanks to recently credited sales proceeds, despite my withdrawing three thousand on Friday to change to ringgit to pay for AKN shares.
posted by DP at
7:14 PM
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