An ABBA Sunday

31st July 2005

On this final day of the month, I decided(as I did yesterday) to skip the workout in favour of a downloading session at my usual hangout.

And by golly, is it paying off! A video of an ABBA tour in the United States from 1980 that successfully lifted the grey wisps of cloud from a beautiful Sunday.

The speakers really worked their magic on my senses as I was transported back 25 years to a time when life was less threatening and the future seemed brighter than ever.

The pure joy, exhilaration and pleasure in doing what they were transported across the soundwaves to anyone within earshot, and gave me the confidence, albeit evasnescently, to face the dreariness and drabness of contemporary life.

All of a sudden, my investment in this entertainment wonder became worthwhile as I was carried off into the firmament where dreams are plausible and optimism amply justified.

Spontaneously, my solitude became irrelevant to the pleasure I was experiencing.


I immediately understood why millions before me had been moved by this magnetic, angelic singing sensations with their multi-layered voices, as I too was swept into their thrall.

When the concert ended, it was back to life, but a life changed, to a noticeable extent, by my encounter with ABBA.

An intelligent guess and a fortuitous encounter

Recently, I had the urge to contact a certain muscleboy, but hadn't created an opportunity of taking down his contact for future sojourns.

However, I made a wild, though elementary, guess by stringing his two first names together in small letters and adding @hotmail.com. When I added that addy to my MSN list of contacts, it was a shot in the dark at best.

Guess what? It worked! I found out when I saw the description fit what I knew of the person.
And at about 9:20 pm today, while I was happily surfing at Macs, he logged on!!!

I chatted him up immediately, and he seemed rather sociable...

Good! Now, to gain his confidence and take things from there.

Also, on the financial front, one stock in which I'm wagering RM9 000 will rise significantly, made a 22% move today in the last half hour, on low volume.

It could be nothing, but it could also potentially be the start of the run that I've been waiting for!

Inner contentment for 3 days

28th July 2005

Giving thanks for life per se everyday can work wonders. Of course, having a preoccupation works even better at cutting through the detritus of the day and feeling contentment that radiates outwards even as it gives one control over what he has the courage to do.

No, I'm not achieving much in boosting my finances at the moment. And yes, I'm at a standstill relationship-wise. But my ability to feel contentment to its fullest regardless of my predicaments is the most precious of all. More precious than money, than the conditional love of others. And the best thing of all is that there is no chance for the sort of heartbreak that sours one to other, beautiful aspects of life.

Life is beautiful, if only you believe it!

Nothing else matters, truly nothing...

The Seeds of My Financial Freedom...

24th July 2005

For several days, I have been thinking and planning for the day when I leave my current job and take Robert Kiyosaki's advice to work for myself and not merely be an employee who will never grow rich but merely add to his liability column.

The plan is a secret of course, but the general idea has already taken root and what is still hazy is the idea of marketing and selling my product to the right people at the right time. On reflection, I realise that timing is extremely crucial as well.

True to my nature, I'll not be renting an office space, nor hiring a single employee, but it'll be me myself controlling all aspects.

Success is never guaranteed but I believe firmly and wholeheartedly that with some luck and good timing, my business will take off after some taxiing and acceleration. Yes, the profit margin is just slightly above average but how high the turnover becomes, and consequently, how well I do, is largely dependent on how I present and sell my product, a product of my analytical brain.


I have exactly one month to make it work and then take things from there...


Evening update -
Been surfing for hours, and managed to download one episode of Family Guy, a movie(The Amityville Horror), only to discover(to my horror) that an audio codec was not available for the movie not to become a silent one!

Darn!

Anyway, I had some interesting conversations with my 'online bf', as well as a friend's friend whom I've not met in a long time.

I'm still in love with my baby!!!*sighzzz**ahhhhh*

Watched several episodes of Strangers with Candy(that show is HIILLLAAAAIIRIOUSSSSS!), with an eye to creating a montage of all 30 episodes which I've downloaded, which will be both a tribute to the entertainment value of the series, as well as a highlight of my life.

I leave you, the reader, with the lyrics of a song that is the backbone of my favourite montage, and which holds the keys to my ability to stay tuned in to myself everyday, and experience contentment without love.

Translation: Despite all the frustrations and thwarted hopes of the past, my life goes on, with many blessings to count along the way, and with confidence in the happiness that I know will come to me one day.


Wild Child
Roma Ryan
Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you've nothing missing
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on
Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on

What a day
What a day to take to
What a way
What a way
To make it through
What a day
What a day to take to
A wild child

Only take the time
From the helter skelter
Every day you find
Everything's in kilter
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on
Every summer sun
Every winter evening
Every spring to come
Every autumn leaving
You don't need a reason
Let it all go on and on

What a day
What a day to take to
What a way
What a way
To make it through
What a day
What a day to take to
A wild child

Brand new S$3000 baby!

23rd July 2005

On the 18th, I succumbed to a colleagues persistent persuasion and went out with her to purchase a HP Pavilion dv1000 notebook(80GB disk space, 1GB RAM, DVD-burner, Altec Lansing speakers etc) from Challenger.

The total cost came up to just over 3 000 dollars but I believe it was money well-spent. Surprisingly, it's a very light object, mostly due to the screen which is 14 " as opposed to the 15.4" screen of my old baby which I sold for 500 bucks.

Otherwise, the purchase sent me straight to heaven for a brief instant *hehe*. I still have over 8 months of salary saved up, so I'm not worried about rare bouts of extravagance.

Idling body, bustling brain

17th July 2005

A great day for idling is Sunday.

Read both sections of today's paper inside out, page to page.The NKF scandal hoards most of the pages, and this is not surprisingly, given S'pore's aversion to scandal and the general preferance to sweep all the detritus of human nature under the carpet of pretense and efficiency.


Had a good chat on the main chat and private chat on the Hub today, and downloaded some great videos too.

Chipper all day!

The internet connection at McDonalds is getting crappier and crappier, usually crapping out at around 6 pm.

Today, I arrived at a little past 12pm and it crapped out just as I logged on. It’s beginning to get on my nerves bigtime!

Despite a less-than-satisfactory date yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling A-OK, for I’m slowly learning to define myself by yardsticks that are not solely carnal or sexual.

Evening update: Hit the gym at close to 5pm and had a punishing workout, burning over 300 calories on the treadmill warming up alone.

Wandered over to March'e and had a medium ribeye and a plate of fresh greens(and orange carrots) piled high.

Unlike the rest of the world, I can't give a hoot about Harry Potter. After reading it, the book would become cumbersome junk within 7 weeks for most people anyway.

I'm much more excited about watching all the yummy videos I've successfully downloaded!

Here's to doing what you want, when you want, without giving a fart about what anyone thinks!!

Another weekend to savour

15th July 2005

Today, I felt myself reverting a little to the uncontrollable pathos I feel in my heart. The irony is that another weekened is upon me!

I plan to use my weekends more fruitfully by keeping busy working out or planning the following week's stock strategies.

Dealing with flirtatious sluts all around me is something which I have to do and be oblivious to the awkwardness of.

I heard this phrase uttered by one of the actors in the comedy series "Strangers with Candy" and I agree with it to a large extent: 'Women are poison, every single one of them.' It's just unfortunate that I have to deal with it EVERY SINGLE FUCKING HOUR of my waking life.

Life is very unfair in that regard, but I know I can brush it's significance off into the next breeze if I just put these people on ignore mode.

I had a few instances of happiness today: selling off S$1100 worth of call warrants that I had already written off as worthless, and earning over RM100 on a contra basis on Golden Plus shares; learning about the delightful resignation of the crooks at NKF, which, since my late teens, I had suspected of collecting way more than they needed to. I won't be surprised if each and every one of those resigning board members, especially the devious-looking CEO, is a multi-millionaire through shady dealings in the charity. I hope the Government audits their pants and undies off!

Today, I'm meeting an old flame who stopped contacting me for about six months until I mustered the courage to start the ball rolling two weeks ago.


And of course,today is a Friday, a fitting day to be joyful about anything and everything in my life.

Joy in (Hy)flux

12th July 2005

Today, I sold off my S'pore-listed Hyflux covered-warrants061010 at an average price of S$0.567, earning almost S$400 in the process. The company stock, by the way, is probably one of the greatest S'pore bull market stories of all time, rising from an adjusted IPO price of below fifty cents to almost five dollars today.

I sold just as I wanted to,as minimum commissions go up to 40 bucks from 30 tomorrow.
The Kuala Lumpur market continued to be strong today as,sensing strength in penny stocks, I bought Fountain View and Golden Plus this morning and was delighted to see them rise 6 and 3 sen respectively in the early afternoon.

Cepco was the other stock I queued to buy, but it was strong all morning, and so I was not able to secure any, although I do have 2,500 accumulated in preparation for a bull-run in that stock.

Tomorrow is the 13th and so, having experienced previous episodes of the power of this magic number, I look forward to reaping some profit on today's purchases.

Work is a little tougher than in the first half of the year, but I must learn never to complain,and to always lift my head up high, while keeping it there.

Today, I left the office and stopped over in MacDonalds, to go online for awhile before heading off to give tuition at 6:30 pm. Lo and behold, I logged on to DC++ , and found a documentary I hadn't watched in over a decade, but had fond memories of: 'From Romania With Love'!

Fortuitously, the only user sharing this file had only one slot, which was not taken! So I grabbed it, and with the good downloading speed, I have downloaded 52% as at 6:45pm.

Luck is certainly smiling broadly on me today!

I can't wait to watch it at home when the download completes in another hour's time!!

A placid start to the weekend.

9th July 2005

I feel like I'm finally recovering from a week-long battle with a new strain of flu virus, that, at its worst, clogged up my throat and nose like a bitch clogs up a man's financial and social life.

No crisis of confidence mars my morning thus far, and I was felt very validated by my hard work in subtitling a Chinese documentary and sharing it on the Gymworld forum which I frequent(I got high praise from fellow fans throughout the world!)

Made 281 ringgit on the 8th selling Foremost shares and a little bit over 50 selling Measat shares.

Monday may bode well for the stockmarkets as the Dow has surged 146 points on Friday, while equally pleasing to me, crude oil has tumbled US$1.80, meaning that there is a greater than 50% probability that the market will rise rather than fall.

Which also means I can pare down my stake of 5500 ringgit due on Monday without such a huge outlay.

Life is indeed what you make it out to be!

A diet of bananas and pills

7th July 2005

Today, I had a great workout at the gym, and was able to maintain my emotional stability throughout, something which I've not experienced for some weeks.

I guess my mind was able to achieve an equilibrium between the negative outlook and it's perception of a bright future.

Looking inward for validation works much better for me than looking to self-centred others for it, and I've probably come to terms with the recent fiasco.

From a strictly pragmatic point of view, relationships should only be formed if they add to, not deduct from, one's happiness.

Being alone has an advantage in that it disallows shallow, selfish people from deducting from one's happiness.

It may be impossible to reduce the complexities of human emotions to mathematical equations and operations, but analogies can be drawn between the two if carefully considered.

This is my current perception of the most recent people who came into my life and then slipped out, merely deducting from my happiness.

1. Drew is a shallow, self-centred, egotistic, effeminate twink who thinks that he looks better than his below average face and physique; he believes falsely that he can critique other's sense of fashion when he himself dresses like Freddie Krueger suffering anorexia.

2. Zen is a far more boring, slightly less caring average-looking guy who shows no capacity for deep thought or reflection on life.

3. Adrian is a 33-year old who talks and thinks like someone a decade younger, and has a knack for hypocrisy and no forthrightness whatsoever. He is worth as much in a relationship as the afternoon tea we had together for the first(and last) time.

I realise finally that I have much to offer a person who chooses to be my partner(after my personal vetting of course), for, though I'm temperamental, I'm also a great listener and can offer above average quantities of affection to another.

It's decisively their loss, not mine.

Life can be pretty awful...

5th July 2005

A confluence of events has led to my harbouring a very negative view of life. Not often am I able to remind myself that every day of life is a gift that should never be taken for granted.

Knowing that there is someone who loves you is great, but eventually even that is taken for granted, especially in a married relationship.

I would cherish a partner so much, but even then, I know it would be conditional on this person looking good enough that I may be able to fall in love with him.

Often, I have made the mistake, through inexperience, of thinking that a person is as well-meaning and kind-hearted as I am only to discover soul-searing flakiness and superficiality.


Sometimes soldering on despite the odds is the only way to go.

Wistfulness tempered with steely stubbornness

3rd July 2005

Woke up today with a nose which was clogged worse than an abandoned waterpipe.

Then when I was having breakfast at Long John Silver's, I was seized by coughing fits and a running nose which hasn't completely stopped.

My thoughts are running towards hitting the clubs again, the motivation being boredom(more so than a longing for love).

My life is far from perfection, but then again, it would be unreasonable to expect anything of the sort.

A Touch of Heaven

2nd July 2005

Today, I had a workout at close to 2pm, when the gym was filled with the right number of eye-candy members, but yet wasn't too overcrowded.

After a rather lighter workout, I went across the road to March'e to have a lunch-cum-dinner.

Started off with a vegetable medley cooked in oyster sauce, then on to five salmon sashimi slices, followed by a special herb bread with wild mushroom soup. Then a medium ribeye steak which was rather raw but delightfully tender. Finally, I had a heavenly apple crepe topped off with cafe macchiato ice-cream, together with a light lime-calamansi drink.

As I ate each dish, I moved from table to table to bench to absorb the near-authentic European market scene. Sure, I was indulging myself all alone, but the great thing about it was, I didn't miss having anybody around.

I even managed to watch an episode of Strangers with Candy(Feather in the Storm)!

Now, I can happily skip dinner knowing that whatever I eat would be a near-desecration of the perfect experience that I had today.

The thought of clubbing tonight has crossed my mind, yes. But I am able to rationalise and know that it would probably be fruitless as well as a waste of money better spent elsewhere.

Now here I am in my favourite spot at McDonalds, knowing that I need not have an intimate relationship to be wonderfully content with myself.

Life is what one makes of it, regardless of whether or not he or she has had two, ten or even a hundred encounters, sexual or otherwise, with a friend or lover.

Sure, granted that it feels tremendously revitalising to hold and be intimate with someone, but it's not indespensible in the order of things that count in life.

Look at Mother Theresa or Pope John Paul II, or even countless others who mourn their lost loves while abstaining from seeking new loves. These people are not dehumanised an iota just because they never held anyone intimately in their lives.

Anyway, this is only what I think, and I know that it is coloured by my long period of solitude.

And yes, despite all the emotional battering my heart and soul have taken, I'm still human in my need for meaningful social interactions.

But the key word here is 'meaningful' and never again will I voluntarily meet someone who will only civil to me in our first meeting and never have the inclination to meet a second time!