A Touch of Heaven

2nd July 2005

Today, I had a workout at close to 2pm, when the gym was filled with the right number of eye-candy members, but yet wasn't too overcrowded.

After a rather lighter workout, I went across the road to March'e to have a lunch-cum-dinner.

Started off with a vegetable medley cooked in oyster sauce, then on to five salmon sashimi slices, followed by a special herb bread with wild mushroom soup. Then a medium ribeye steak which was rather raw but delightfully tender. Finally, I had a heavenly apple crepe topped off with cafe macchiato ice-cream, together with a light lime-calamansi drink.

As I ate each dish, I moved from table to table to bench to absorb the near-authentic European market scene. Sure, I was indulging myself all alone, but the great thing about it was, I didn't miss having anybody around.

I even managed to watch an episode of Strangers with Candy(Feather in the Storm)!

Now, I can happily skip dinner knowing that whatever I eat would be a near-desecration of the perfect experience that I had today.

The thought of clubbing tonight has crossed my mind, yes. But I am able to rationalise and know that it would probably be fruitless as well as a waste of money better spent elsewhere.

Now here I am in my favourite spot at McDonalds, knowing that I need not have an intimate relationship to be wonderfully content with myself.

Life is what one makes of it, regardless of whether or not he or she has had two, ten or even a hundred encounters, sexual or otherwise, with a friend or lover.

Sure, granted that it feels tremendously revitalising to hold and be intimate with someone, but it's not indespensible in the order of things that count in life.

Look at Mother Theresa or Pope John Paul II, or even countless others who mourn their lost loves while abstaining from seeking new loves. These people are not dehumanised an iota just because they never held anyone intimately in their lives.

Anyway, this is only what I think, and I know that it is coloured by my long period of solitude.

And yes, despite all the emotional battering my heart and soul have taken, I'm still human in my need for meaningful social interactions.

But the key word here is 'meaningful' and never again will I voluntarily meet someone who will only civil to me in our first meeting and never have the inclination to meet a second time!