Extracts...
"You only lost money...which you can replace! I lost my innocence in that moment of neglect!Innocence which I can never replace, and which has affected me psychologically, and will do so until the day I die,something which I have thought of doing many times!"
Something I'm 'dying' to say to my 'father', whom I'm losing more and more regard for as each day unfolds,if I haven't lost all of it already.
On another(but related) train of thought: Why is my family so CHEAP?
Granted that my mother came from an impoverished large family background, my 'father' experienced none of the sort, but despite both of them paying lip service to the non-omnipotence of money, their unguarded words reveal how they seem to value that inanimate thing more highly than anything, probably a close second only to their own lives.
I feel down whenever I think that none of them ever(or even came close to a shade of a shadow of doing it) thought of, or volunteered to help me out when I said that $4000 was too expensive for a return airticket to Sydney this Decemnber, when my 'father' had happily paid for the previous year's journey to the Gold Coast to visit my brother(who incidentally has never volunteered to help his own parents to go into retirement despite doing well in recession-free Australia).
But I've discovered that my own modest generosity to others is truly an anomaly in my family.
Just recently,having decided to forgo the Christmas vacation, I decided to try to go to Bangkok(which I can afford),which my parents were invited to go on during the same time frame. Despite not being able to take up the offer because of the clash, my 'mother' made me feel like I was trying to have a free holiday with her comments.
Of course, I admonished her strongly and replied that she was known to be 'cheap' and I wondered aloud how people who were so well-off could be so 'cheap', and said angrily that my family was also known to be 'cheap, insisting all the time that I had already stated my intention to pay my own way.
I also added for good measure that she should hug her money all the way to the grave and : 'Let's see how much you can take to heaven!'.
This episode has shown me how little I matter to the people whom I'm supposed to matter to.
It also destroys what remnants of sentimentality I have towards almost everyone whom I'm related to: the realisation hit me that I can't count on ANYONE to show me even the smallest iota of humankindness.
I've decided to steel myself(despite my softheartedness) against the urge to be generous to these people
Something I'm 'dying' to say to my 'father', whom I'm losing more and more regard for as each day unfolds,if I haven't lost all of it already.
On another(but related) train of thought: Why is my family so CHEAP?
Granted that my mother came from an impoverished large family background, my 'father' experienced none of the sort, but despite both of them paying lip service to the non-omnipotence of money, their unguarded words reveal how they seem to value that inanimate thing more highly than anything, probably a close second only to their own lives.
I feel down whenever I think that none of them ever(or even came close to a shade of a shadow of doing it) thought of, or volunteered to help me out when I said that $4000 was too expensive for a return airticket to Sydney this Decemnber, when my 'father' had happily paid for the previous year's journey to the Gold Coast to visit my brother(who incidentally has never volunteered to help his own parents to go into retirement despite doing well in recession-free Australia).
But I've discovered that my own modest generosity to others is truly an anomaly in my family.
Just recently,having decided to forgo the Christmas vacation, I decided to try to go to Bangkok(which I can afford),which my parents were invited to go on during the same time frame. Despite not being able to take up the offer because of the clash, my 'mother' made me feel like I was trying to have a free holiday with her comments.
Of course, I admonished her strongly and replied that she was known to be 'cheap' and I wondered aloud how people who were so well-off could be so 'cheap', and said angrily that my family was also known to be 'cheap, insisting all the time that I had already stated my intention to pay my own way.
I also added for good measure that she should hug her money all the way to the grave and : 'Let's see how much you can take to heaven!'.
This episode has shown me how little I matter to the people whom I'm supposed to matter to.
It also destroys what remnants of sentimentality I have towards almost everyone whom I'm related to: the realisation hit me that I can't count on ANYONE to show me even the smallest iota of humankindness.
I've decided to steel myself(despite my softheartedness) against the urge to be generous to these people
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